Tuesday, September 9, 2008
for you, joseph elijah ackerman, because when i think back,
this is what comes to mind, word for word.
all the colours of your eyes how they speak to me.
how they blend and bleed into each other, i soak them into me.
i breathe them in and i spit them out.
and even after i can still taste them.
the way colours should taste.
sweet and then bitter and then sweet some more.
i stretch my fingers out and i touch both sides of your face, and it rushes through me.
the way it should rush through me.
i close my eyes and i breathe in.
from the tips of my fingers to the ends of my toes.
i feel it.
i feel the colours.
i feel all the crevasses of your body with each finger, tiny sensors, thousands of tiny sensors.
i feel your lips along my back, wandering around, lost-like, looking for some sort of direction, freckle to freckle.
and with every coming kiss, i can feel it.
pulsating more, through every vein, with every heart beat, with every part of me, i feel you.
and it feels good.
every kiss blends and then it bleeds into the next, just like these words do.
just like all the colours of this world.
of our world.
coming together collecting tiny pieces, every piece fitting together like the puzzle we are, made completely for each other.
your eyes, every shade of green.
every possible shade of green, like tiny emeralds we wish we could of found as children digging in the sand, but we couldn't and we didn't, but we'd always pretend.
the colours of all the leaves on every tree, i see in you.
i see in your eyes. and when the green bends to blue, i see the oceans and i see the sky.
i see the depths of a person who's made of more than what his heart may hold, or the eye may see.
but the colours of your eyes, they speak to me, and i see you.
and you could lose your voice and i, my words and i know all i'll ever need are those eyes.
i think of all the others i've looked into, all the others i've looked through.
all the false hope i've strung along.
all the other colours i've discovered,
all the blues and
all the browns, but never the greens.
i think of all the lips i've lied too and heart's i've tugged at and tied down and sunk to the bottom of the sea.
weighed down for no reason, just to watch my walls keep them out, as they kept me safe and sound, inside away from the wind storm.
i think of all the fingers i've tangled with mine.
and when i think of all of that, i stand strong knowing, that never in my entire life have i ever felt this rush, this rush you push through me.
we sat face to face and you told me you loved me.
and every time i placed my head to your chest i knew i loved you too.
i loved you then as i love you now, as i'll love you tomorrow and the coming days after those.
i remember running my fingers over your lips and feeling the warmth of your breath push through them.
i took another breath.
and i clenched your hand a little tighter.
i took another breath and i kissed your chest, sending the rhythm of my heart beat,
skin deep, sinking tiny messages to yours.
not waiting or letting another second pass with out you knowing how much of me you already had.
because you have all of me.
i close my eyes and i was calm again.
i take short deep breaths and with each one, reminding me how in love with you i am.
because each one is new, and it feels new.
and it takes so much from me, to close my eyes and know that this is real.
this rush, i get to keep coming back too, for the rest of my life.
i will have you, as you will have i, as we will have each other. i love you, with all of me.